Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
