So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My vagina is officially offended.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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