I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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