so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
