He uses pillows to masturbate.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
