thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
