Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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