dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
