I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
