i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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