I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
