I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
