you guys were way drunker than both of me
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
