oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
