Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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