she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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