would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
