So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
