Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
