somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize