It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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