I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
