It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize