Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
