she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
