my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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