he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
So many bounce houses so little time
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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