1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
