This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
