i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
