I can text with my tongue
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
