So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We are all done wearing pants today
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
