"it" just moved
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
third nipple confirmed
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize