weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
