turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You have to summon your inner elephant
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
