if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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