The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize