i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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