just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
