i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
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