i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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