the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
cat food counts as protein by the way
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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