Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
