Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
why is half of my head shaved?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
