Just fell off a train. Bad.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
