Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
