Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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