i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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