I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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