I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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