he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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