i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
