Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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