in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I can't turn off my feet"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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