Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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