Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
