I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
