Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
