my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Fuck appropriateness.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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