Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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