I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
