i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
