my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
