i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
A bitchslap is in order.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
