I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
