I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
