John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
