how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
