No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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