Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
