Betty ford says i'm here all night
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
sarcasm needs its own font
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize