I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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