hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You're like the curious george of whores
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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