I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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