His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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