whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
