He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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